Short Trips, A Christmas Treasury 14.18: Animus, Zarbi, Menoptra, by Jim Sangster

This is an enjoyable little diversion. It introduces a game played by hatchlings on Vortis which is basically "Rock/Paper/Scissors" done as a massed playground game. When I gave the above description to Isaac he said "oh, let me guess how it works", and proceeded to describe the R/P/S component accurately, so Jim Sangster must have picked up on the unique characteristics of the roles! The only thing Isaac didn't get is the gestures and sounds, which isn't too surprising as I hadn't mentioned them. I won't go into too much detail. It's just a bit of fun - though it does describe an 'extreme' version! - and fits with the mood of the collection. I find it hard to compare something like this to a regular story, in much the same way I have trouble rating charity offerings and the like. The score below reflects the lack of substance more than the quality of the writing and game design.

By the way, note the spelling of Menoptra. This is actually the correct, official spelling, and I've been getting it wrong all through my reviews of The Web Planet. I could channel the tenth Doctor and say I'm so very, very, sorry; but actually I'm not. Mine looks better, lots of other people use it, and anyway it's Christmas so you should be charitable. So nyer.

Oh, wait, I'm wrong - it's Hallowe'en. So happy All Hallows Eve, everyone!

Except in books, of course, where it is actually Christmas - Christmas 2004, to be exact - which means the following sidebar isn't completely crazy:

Festivals, Part 1: Short Christmas Trips
Big Finish had been releasing Short Trips for a couple of years when they decided to do a Christmas-themed special. It's a bit unusual, including poems, recipes, and of course games alongside an eclectic mix of stories. More than 30 entries in all (so it's not particularly surprising that a couple fall in this run).

The idea was a success, and was repeated every December thereafter - except for 2006, when they published a Dalek Empire themed anthology instead. Which isn't as inappropriate as it sounds: at this point in the TV series the Christmas season has been host to Dalek stories for two years running, and the show will be broadcast on Christmas Day for the first time later this year - during another Dalek story. I'll have more to say about Yuletide Who when we get there...

Published:
Date: December 2004
ISBN: 1-84435-112-2

Rating:
4/10.

Next Time:
Assault on Platform Five.

Serial N: The Web Planet

Okay, I'm going to come clean: when I first watched this serial, I liked it better than most people but still didn't think it quite worked. Since then I've read Elizabeth Sandifer's analysis, and for once I consciously took her viewpoint on board, and attempted to watch it as spectacle (usually I try and forget what I've read before watching something). This actually pushed it up another notch, so thank you, El! Some of my comments are still unconsciously drawn from there (I forgot she'd mentioned the lampshading, for instance), but fortunately there's a lot that's original to me too - as an example I'm particularly happy with my review of The Invasion. I still think that this serial is four great episodes wrapped around two limp ones, but as you will see from Isaac's comments even that's not a case of "no one could like the middle of this"!

Earlier in these reviews, someone commented that they had never thought of the serial as horror. I mentioned the Lovecraftian aspects of the Animus last time - though they should perhaps be called Derlethian due to the watering down of the cosmic inhumanity that happened with many of the writers working in Lovecraft's universe - but that's not the totality of it. There are a lot of horror signifiers: in the early episodes we have losing control of the TARDIS, not knowing what's going on, being gradually taken over, witnessing torture and death - all features used in the more consistently horrific Robert Holmes era. Oh, and giant insects also count, though their realisation doesn't really add to the horror! Later we have the devolved Optera and their grim existence in the dark, that moment when the Doctor and Vicki are webbed, and of course the confrontation with the Animus. There's also a fairly consistent tone of dread and desperation that plays against the action adventure elements of the story. None of this is unique to the serial, but it all stacks up. I stand by my opinion.

The Webbed Planet was commissioned by David Whitaker, showing how far into the second production block the direct influence of the original script editor stretches. It was writer Bill Strutton's only contribution to the show, unless you count the novelisation separately; although he wrote numerous episodes for many other shows including The Avengers. Next year Big Finish are releasing a Lost Story based on his unused third Doctor script, The Mega; we'll have to see if it's as controversial as his first.

Isaac's Corner
I preferred the third episode to the first two, unlike dad, because the plot moved on more in Escape to Danger. When I saw the title of this, I exclaimed "the term is out of the frying pan, into the fire, not escape to danger!" The fourth and fifth were also very good, and the last was extremely good.

I found the larvae guns and Optera very cute, and I liked the way that Vicki gave the controlled Zarbi a name. The story was well written and well directed, and the effects were all effective! My overall rating is 8/10. I'm looking forward to The Crusade, one I haven't watched or listened to before!

DVD Extras
There's a good range of extras on the DVD, with a detailed "making of" documentary and an entertaining commentary. We also get a PDF of the first Doctor Who annual. This was something 2|Entertain gave up on after a while: apparently nobody ever commented on them, so they decided to put the money into other features. The collector in me thinks it's a shame - they got about halfway through the annuals, and I would have liked to have the rest to go along with them - but to be honest I barely look at them most of the time, so (assuming I'm typical) it's probably a good decision. This particular annual has two stories set on Vortis, and I was going to review them next; but neither fits chronologically, and after more than 5,500 words here I'm going to briefly review one more thing and then move on.

One of the stories from the annual is also present in another form: an audio reading by William Russell. Long-time readers will know this automatically gives it a boost for me (and I actually started listening to it before I decided I wanted a break from the Zarbi). I look forward to reviewing it as part of the next phase of my marathon.

Missing from the Archives, Part 7: Finishing Touches
BBC Enterprises had prints of all six episodes in the archive when audits were taken in the late 1970s. These had been returned from a foreign broadcaster - probably Algeria - because the "Next Time" caption at the end of The Centre said "The Space Museum" instead of "The Lion". For some obscure reason the next serial, The Crusade, wasn't sold to predominantly Muslim countries. Go figure.

Anyway, apart from this oddity and some minor edits, the story was complete. However, true completists always want to get as close to the original as possible, so it was still good when unedited versions were found in Nigeria in 1985.

This story is unusual in that there is no link into the next serial. I wondered briefly if this was forward-thinking on the production team's part, taking account of the problems of selling The Crusade in advance; but there's such a tight link on the other side (leading into The Space Museum) that I think it must have been simple coincidence.

Rating:
Mine: 7/10.
DWM Mighty 200: 54.69%, 178th.
2012 Gallifrey Base Non-Dynamic Rankings: 4.85, 219th out of 234.

This was voted the second-worst Hartnell by Gallifrey Base voters, and the third worst by DWM readers. I can see it's not without flaws, but really!

Next Time:
Let's take a break from stories and step (very briefly) into the world of games as we consider Animus, Zarbi, Menoptra.

Episode 63 (N6): The Centre

The opening of the final episode is as bleak as anything in the series so far. The Doctor looks defeated as the hairdryer lowers; Vicki struggles to hide the detonator, and then - when she finds out that this is a mistake - the two of them seem utterly dejected. Unfortunately, the mood is hindered slightly by a switch to a less effective outdoor scene. They seem to have used too much vaseline, and the very stagey positioning of actors doesn't help. However, there is a certain dancelike choreography to the diversion that Harbara's group is staging, and this soon softens the negative impact of the initial view. Moving into the Carsinome helps too; Hilio's wings sweeping across the body of his dead comrade is a touching moment.

Meanwhile, underground, we have Heron's party. The discovery of water (rather than acid) is a symbol of hope, and things are starting to look up. The set provides rather too convenient a climbing area, but this is easily ignored; and the Optera's fear of the light is touching.

The pacing and action is built up by the use of some very quick cuts. The number of shots in this part of the episode is huge, particularly in the Carsinome; and it is all skilfully done, with nobody missing their mark by any significant amount.

When the Doctor and Vicki reach the Animus in the Centre we are treated to a splendid new set. Since it was only required for a single episode (and this episode was originally going to be called Centre of Terror, which would, I feel, have been a better name) John Wood could go to town and produce something that didn't need to survive being packed away for a week. The mass of rootlike tentacles, the light, the organic feel, the circularity with everything leading in to the Animus like a great spider at the centre of its web - all of this works to enhance the mood of Lovecraftian horror.

Ah yes, I had to use the word "Lovecraftian" eventually. I'm not a big fan of H.P. Lovecraft's writing, but the universe he created has given me a lot of pleasure. I was a regular player of the Call of Cthulhu RPG back in the 90s, and have picked up a fair bit of knowledge along the way (though I'll leave it to others to determine how much Sanity I may have lost in the process). The Animus was one of the beings picked to be a Great Old One in the New Adventures novel All-Consuming Fire; and watching this you can see why. Apparently it's a Lloigor, which is slightly odd. Lloigor was a single entity created by August Derleth, and was a suitably tentacled monstrosity. When Colin Wilson retconned it to be the name of a race he reimagined them as psychic energy creatures.

Whatever, the Animus has the proper feel for this sort of existential horror. It's obviously massively more powerful than anyone else in the story, and while it doesn't have the purity of Lovecraft's original creations - which operate on so cosmic a level that they don't even notice us - the adjective fits. The name of the Carsinome, of course, comes from carcinoma, the most common type of cancer - and the image of it growing across the planet is suitable in its sense of unstoppable, faceless menace. Combine this with the animalistic Zarbi servants terrified of their controller (and what a neat way to explain their fear of spiders!), Catherine Fleming's voice, and the awed fear of the Optera and Menoptera built up over the course of the story - and you have a truly classic horror from beyond.

Almost as soon as they enter the Animus's presence, the Doctor and Vicki are crushed. We have already seen them looking hopeless; now they truly are helpless too. Then we switch to Heron in the organic tunnel beneath - which also looks great, and feels appropriately claustrophobic. There's a glimmer of hope, which glows brighter when Harbara activates the destructor...

...only to find that it doesn't work. I'd forgotten that from earlier viewing, and it threw me completely off-guard - what can they possibly do now? The Animus says "approach, Earth people", showing that it knows Heron is there too. Heron appears, and surely he will do something; he's the action hero, after all. But he is unable to break the spell. All seems lost.

And then Harbara saves the day again, priming the device at much closer range and dropping it right into the creature, which shrivels and dies. And that's it - the adventure's over, and the expression on Vicki's face when she discovers this is really complex. There's relief, certainly, but it's tempered with something else, perhaps a realisation of how close they were to death.

This climactic sequence has been such an adrenaline rush! So many twists and turns, moments of hope amid a wash of despair, such weird timing. We are still a fair way from the end of the episode, and I for one wasn't expecting the adventure to end so soon. Not that it's a disappointment - the timing's part of what keeps it interesting. Good old serial N, off-kilter to the end.

The long epilogue is lovely, with plenty of symbolism showing the hopeful future. Water starts flowing, Harbara plays with a venom grub, Vrestin provides encouragement for the Optera, explaining how flight may return too their descendents and that light can be good as well as bad. Meanwhile, Heron and the Doctor get back to normality, teasing each other over the matter of a lost Coal Hill tie.

Oh, and you know I said how bad the outside scenes looked earlier? When the TARDIS disappears at the end it looks great.

Broadcast:
Date: Saturday, 20th March 1965
Viewers: 11.5 million
Chart Position: 14
Appreciation Index: 42

Rating:
8/10.

Next Time:
Serial N as a whole.

Episode 62 (N5): Invasion

Well, this is more like it! The pacing is much better in this episode, and there is a theme running through it. When the Menoptera in the temple are deciding whether or not they can trust Barbara, she tells them "you have no choice." Soon after, Ian says to Vrestin "we have no choice" but to rely on Hetra. Both the Doctor and Prapillus struggle with believing in the other. I finally find I'm interested in the plot, and it once again feels properly atmospheric. The variety of sets is impressive, and each has a unique tone. In fact, the best way to tackle this review is probably to take each in turn, untangling the interleaved strands of the story.

Let's start with the plateau at the Crater of Needles. Curiously, the recap from last time works much better as an opener, and this is certainly an example of why it's better to split up the episodes rather than 'mainlining' them. I think this is because it is an action- and emotion-packed scene that gets us right back into the story, firing us up for the events ahead, rather than just the tail end of a battle scene; but I admit I'm just extrapolating, looking for possible causes. Anyway, this leads into the (admittedly clumsy and forced) discovery of the Temple of Light.

The temple set itself isn't John Wood's finest and the scenes here could have been very dull because there is a lot of exposition and debate, but everything comes together to make them work. Most of the credit must go to Roslyn de Winter's choreography, since the Menoptera are always moving, providing a little dynamism even to the most static moments; and to Richard Martin's direction. He seems to be having fun, making excellent use of the set and positioning actors and cameras in interesting ways. He mentions it in the commentary, something he only does rarely; but I noticed it on my first watch anyway. The acting is good, particularly when William Hartnell's Doctor confronts Martin Jarvis' Prince Hilio, and the background sound when we first enter the temple also enhances the mood.

Moving on, we have Vicki and the Doctor in the Carsinome and on the planet's surface. I've commented on the sets before, so all I'll add is that the shot of the outside of the Carsinome which shows its organic origins really adds something. After the terror and panic of the plateau and the battle against despair in the temple, these scenes are used to defuse the tension. It's a balancing act: you can't keep the adrenaline flowing for 25 minutes, and if you try it will flag anyway; but if you add too much humour, or the wrong sort, it can wreck the feel of the piece. Fortunately that balance is struck perfectly here. Vicki peeking out to see if the Zarbi are watching, the Doctor trying out his control of the Zarbi, the little hand gesture signalling it to follow, the name Zombo - they are all enough to give us a break without going too far.

And we need that break, because the final strand - in the tunnels with the Optera - is pretty grim. It was horrible the way the Zarbi amputated the slave Menoptera's wings, but even worse is the scene where Nemini sticks her head into the flow of acid to save the others. The camera lingers, first on Ian's reaction as it happens, then as he stands over her, then on the body after he moves away. The leader's reaction - effectively shrugging and saying that this is just the sort of thing that happens, but with an underlying sadness to his delivery - highlights the horror.

The Optera themselves are an interesting creation. Thematically they are a great addition, a neotenic offshoot of the Menoptera. Unfortunately, because of the late decision there was very little left in the budget for costumes; the ones we get are well designed but nevertheless look rather like cuddly toys. Doing something to roughen them up a bit would have helped, or filming them with the vaseline lens. They certainly look better when they are obscured by fumes! William Russell didn't like the guttural voice, but I think it's appropriate; and their speech patterns, using metaphor so heavily, are lovely. They also have one of the more interesting backstories, which works better for being only partly revealed. Their final scene, with the mirror shot showing us the party from above, really emphasises how low down they are, in more ways than one.

The episode ends with a great twist. The Doctor and Vicki, stars of the plot that has been reducing our tension, return to the Carsinome. They pretend to be more scared than they are in order to get close to the Animus - but that fear turns real, and they are shot with a web-gun, enveloping them in the stuff that is taking over the planet. Symbolically at least, it's the extinguishing of our last hope; the grim reality of the near-hopeless struggle wins out over fun and adventure. Where can it go from here?

Broadcast:
Date: Saturday, 13th March 1965
Viewers: 12.0 million
Chart Position: 12
Appreciation Index: 48

Rating:
8.5/10.

Next Time:
The Centre.

Episode 61 (N4): Crater of Needles

Hooray, Jacqueline Hill's back! And strangely she begins by making one of the very few stumbles of her entire run on the show. It's slight enough that I might not have mentioned it for anyone else, but she has been so remarkably consistent that it made an impact. The price of excellence, I suppose.

This is another episode that advances the plot at the expense of atmosphere, though not so severely as last time. The camera direction is improved, too, though still below its peak. Everything begins well with the collapsing tunnel at the start working better than it did in the cliffhanger, and I liked the idea of listening to Ian's coughing while the camera pans across, giving us an impression of the place where he has landed. Generally there is good placement of actors in shot, and some good movement (for example drawing back as Barbara walks towards the camera, and the sweeping shot when she falls). There is also some effective cutting, such as the slow zoom on the Doctor which switches to a faster zoom on Barbara. But overall the effect is too static, and sometimes reveals too much (the Optera's feet, for instance).

Another problem is that there is a lot of fighting in this episode. 1960s fights are often a bit dodgy for me. The finale has a surprising number of cuts, since they were able to film it at Ealing and not have the limitations of editing videotape, so these are about as good as can be expected; but they still don't quite hold up. Oh, the crushing of the venom grub against the wall is really good, and the stabbing of Zarbi adds a bit of teatime brutality for the tots; but it just looks too stagy to really convince.

The balletic flight of the Menoptera is also not exactly convincing, but in this case it doesn't matter. It's more symbolic than visceral, and it gives the right impression. The costume was redesigned slightly between Ealing and the studio, but to be honest I didn't notice this at all (though I could see it when pointed out). Daphne Dare on costumes and Sonia Markham on makeup did a good job on realising the ecology of Vortis, supporting John Wood's work (this episode shows how good the Zarbi look in closeup, as well as giving us our best view of Menoptera wings in the vaseline-free tunnels). And speaking of Wood, he gives us another fine set with the Crater of Needles; though the tunnels are no more than functional.

The script progresses. The Doctor and the Animus get more opportunities to spar, and Vicki also has some good moments despite spending most of her time under control. One thing that wasn't clear to me was whether the Animus psychically activated the Doctor's device broadcasting the Menoptera's invasion plans, or whether he did it by accident. The former works better from a story point of view, but the latter seems more likely from the way it is portrayed. Like the moment when the gun fired at the TARDIS last time, this really irritated me.

This is, of course, also the episode that introduces the Optera. These were devised by Martin and script editor Dennis Spooner to provide another thread to the plot. In a sense this is padding, but it is at least padding that gives us something interesting to watch! I'll have more to say about the addition next time.

Since this is the shortest review so far in this story, I'll take the opportunity to say a little about the sound in this serial. To prevent the budget exploding completely, Richard Martin used available recordings of music by Les Structure Sonores, a French duo who had earlier been considered for production of the theme music. It is ethereal, and really adds to the atmosphere throughout. Curiously, it wasn't used for the next episode (The Invasion); but the sound effects there also fit in well with the feel.

Overall, then, Crater of Needles is a bit better than Escape to Danger, but still a below-par episode. Hopefully the recovery will accelerate soon!

Broadcast:
Date: Saturday, 6th March 1965
Viewers: 13.0 million
Chart Position: 9
Appreciation Index: 49

Rating:
4/10.

Next Time:
Invasion.

Episode 60 (N3): Escape to Danger

I did say earlier that I would talk about some of the problems with Richard Martin's direction, and this - the most troubled episode of the serial - seems like an appropriate point. To be honest, the problem isn't so much with the technical aspects of direction as the scale of his ambition. The filming at Ealing overran massively, requiring not only the day set aside in case of problems but also one extra. The Zarbi overran a little, and then this episode hit serious difficulties resulting in an overrun of more than half an hour, running close to the 11PM absolute deadline. Many of the problems were nothing to do with Martin - some sets were not delivered on time, parts of the floor had not been painted, there were lighting difficulties and a camera broke - but these delays caused friction between him and producer Verity Lambert.

As well as timing, Lambert also chided him for letting the actors change their lines. Part of this was due to the actors being thrown by the other problems and so fluffing. William Hartnell in particular was finding the serial difficult, because the cumbersome costumes meant he had to hit his marks more accurately than he was used to. Martin responded to the producer's comments with a complaint of his own, about the trailer that was shot to advertise the serial (which portrayed Zarbi arriving at the BBC to act in the show)). He felt it was too comedic, undermining the tone of the story before it even aired; Lambert wanted to make the creatures feel safe to children.

I'm with Martin on this. Serial N was the first time the show had done outright horror, and if that required undercutting the mood to avoid scaring younger viewers then it should probably not have been done in the first place! Still, I'll return to the theme of horror later, in a more appropriate episode.

What of this one, though? In general the direction is not so good, with far more static shots; and of course we get to see a Zarbi running into the camera! A bigger problem for me, though, is the sequence where the Animus' gun is supposed to be firing at the TARDIS. We can't see this from the way it is shot at all, which is a serious storytelling failure. Having said that, though, it is followed by a great shot of the Doctor stepping out of the smoke and appearing clearly while Ian and Vicki are still wreathed in it behind him. We also get to see the Menoptera Vrestin flying, which works surprisingly well; and the shots of the Doctor talking to the Animus are great, with both Hartnell and Catherine Fleming selling the idea of two great minds locked in a battle of wits. The low shot of the Doctor in the communicator in particular makes him look majestic, and the way he refers to it as a "hairdryer" is a great bit of lampshading.

The script seems to be using this episode as a chance to explain things. We learn the backstory of the Menoptera, that they are not invaders (and so probably count as "good guys"), which is probably a good thing at this stage; but there is just too much talking for me, and it drains a lot of the tension. Still, it is written well enough that I didn't notice that Jacqueline Hill was on holiday, and there are some nice moments scattered throughout. When the Doctor tells Ian not to break the time and relative dimension link, I wondered if it were foreshadowing events in The Time Meddler.

Overall, though, not the best episode. Hopefully it will pick up next time...

Broadcast:
Date: Saturday, 27th February 1965
Viewers: 12.5 million
Chart Position: 11
Appreciation Index: 53

Rating:
3.5/10.

Next Time:
Crater of Needles.

Episode 59 (N2): The Zarbi

So we return to Vortis, and this time I want to focus on the design work of my namesake John Wood, as well as looking at some of the inhabitants of the planet.

Getting the bad out of the way, I mentioned last time Richard Martin deciding to show us the other side of the console room. Well, it's much blander than the side we are used to seeing. (It also makes me wonder where the fault locator is hiding.) The room with the bendy beds is bland, too, so the TARDIS interior seems a really dull place, except for the console itself.

The only good side to this is that it makes the Vortis scenes look even more impressive. The main 'surface of the planet' set is awesome, giving us a sense of scale unequalled in the show so far. With modern TVs you can see the join, but in most shots you have to be looking for it - I didn't notice it at all in the first two episodes when I was watching for fun, only when I watched a second time to pick up on points for the review (and listen to the commentary). The Carsinome set is flat, because of the problems of packing it away for storage until the following week's shooting; as a result it doesn't have the organic look that they wanted. But it still has quite an alien "feel".

The modelwork fits very well. The shot of the TARDIS being moved through the mist matches perfectly with the main set, and the temple shot last time - with the statue of Menoptera on top of pyramid - impresses despite the occasional transparency of the Doctor's Atmospheric Density Jacket.

Ah yes, the Menoptera. Last episode we were introduced to the Zarbi and their venom grubs; this time we meet the other faction. The least obvious thing here from our future perspective is that their role is ambiguous. Are they heroes or villains? They keep Barbara from the clutches of the Zarbi, true, but then discuss killing her. And they are the spearhead of an invasion force from space. Probably villains, then, but it's not at all clear.

From their first appearance the Menoptera are treated as another very weird species. In fact, although the other inhabitants of Vortis distract us from this, their design makes them, physically, one of the least human sapients that have been shown so far. Only the brains of Morphoton and (by implication) the Daleks are more alien. Their movement and speech, devised by Roslyn de Winter (who plays Vrestin), enhances this. Bizarrely, Richard Martin originally wanted to cast big-eyed actors, before realising that nobody's eyes were big enough!

I should mention the other aliens' costumes here. All are effective; all have shortcomings. The Zarbi are my personal favourite, a total success in my book despite the obvious men's legs. The venom grubs (or 'larvae guns') are cute; the frill they have around the edge doesn't work as legs but this isn't a problem.

Finally, in a pretence that this is a review of this particular episode, I'll mention a few points which were particularly atmospheric. First is the scene with Vicki alone in the TARDIS. We have the shot of her through the console, and the shaky view seen on the monitor before the startling appearance of a Zarbi. We also have Ian stepping into a shell. The actual motion is necessarily contrived but the idea is affecting, and following this we see Ian more dispirited than he has ever been, completely uncertain of how to tackle the situation they find themselves in. Barbara also has a brief chance to shine, showing how resourceful she can be in escaping from the Menoptera.

The closing scene is slightly chaotic. The Zarbi entering the ship works, but it's not obvious that it retreats because of anything the TARDIS is doing - I just assumed it was scared by the interior dimensions. As a result the creatures crowding the Doctor and forcing him under the telepathic helmet is slightly comical; but then we have Catherine Fleming's wonderfully resonant voice filling his head, and are left with a distinct feeling that the story is moving...

Broadcast:
Date: Saturday, 20th February 1965
Viewers: 12.5 million
Chart Position: 12
Appreciation Index: 53

Rating:
7.5/10.

Next Time:
Escape to Danger.

Episode 58 (N1): The Web Planet

I've just noticed that I don't own any more of the complete televised stories in this run. From this point, except for two episodes of The Crusade, I will be watching DVDs that Isaac has bought with his own pocket money; fortunately he's letting me do so!

This is also the first serial of the program which credits me for design work - not bad for someone less than a year old, eh? Though I must admit it wasn't actually me, just someone (a bit older) who shares my name. There are a few of us about - I remember a magazine advert that suggested readers should "convert to Canada Dry, like John Wood" - and there's even one buried in the graveyard of the converted church where my children learn circus skills. It still has an effect, seeing the name, even though I don't get confused that they're talking about me. Usually it's fun; the tombstone was a bit creepy.

And speaking of creepy, here we are at the first episode of The Web Planet - which is also called The Web Planet. I've made masses of notes, and there's a lot to say, but much of it applies to the serial as a whole; or at least to the first couple of episodes. We'll see about the rest. So I'm going to split things up, and talk about the direction here, the design work next time, music later on...

Direction, then. This is Richard Martin, of whom I said at the end of season one: his wild moments of genius outweigh his "what were you thinking?" ones. He has said that he thought Bill Strutton's scriptwriting was awful, but that the ideas for the serial were great, and in fact just the sort of thing that Doctor Who should be. So, what does he do about it here? Works darn hard to make this the most totally alien story so far, that's what! Oh, he has his problems (which I will return to at a later date), but these aren't evident to the viewer in the first couple of episodes, at least.

Well, maybe there's one that's visible: the alien atmosphere. Martin asked about getting some special filters for the cameras, to distort the image. Once everyone stopped laughing he came up with an alternative they could actually afford: matte boxes (to protect the lenses) holding sheets of glass smeared with vaseline. I think this works really well, but many people say it looks rubbish.

Perhaps it's all a matter of perspective. I've said before that I come to Doctor Who with the intention of enjoying myself, and this means finding the right way to watch. Sometimes this is easy - I can enjoy any of the 2012 episodes as fast-paced, glitzy, self-aware modern TV, for instance. There's usually more to find than that, but it's enough to get me started. With 1960s episodes - and particularly special effects extravaganzas like these, which really show their age visually - it's harder. There's no getting around the fact that they have obviously got men in ant costumes being filmed with smeary cameras; but actually, you don't have to pay attention to it. Notice the tone, the emotional impact; don't sweat the small stuff.

And tone is where Martin really shines in the first two episodes. Nothing is comfortable about his direction: from the first focus fade, and there are lots of moving camera shots and vertiginous closeups. The choice to film the console scenes from the opposite side of the door is simple, but subconsciously throws us off a little - at least, those of us who have been watching the show for a while. And shooting people's faces through the time rotor is inspired.

Really, Martin wrenches every bit of atmosphere he can out of the script. Fairly early on there's a discussion between Barbara and Vicki in the bendy bed room, covering mundane subjects such as school and aspirin. It is obviously meant as a lighter moment, filling a little more of Vicki's background. What Martin does is to shoot a second conversation, after Barbara's arm has started disobeying her, in almost exactly the same way. The creepiness of the current situation thus poisons the normality of the first conversation. Similarly, the cut from Ian looking around outside, worried, to Barbara tidying up keeps us on our toes. There are lots of other nice touches to the direction - the disappearing TARDIS being caught in webbing, for instance, or the view of the landscape seen through the TARDIS door, which really sells the reality of it - but you get the idea. The rotating console is less effective, but not enough to spoil it.

A lot of the atmosphere does come straight from the script as well, of course. The weird goings-on with the Doctor's ring, the ship's doors opening and closing on their own, the acid pool (though it's rather too similar to Marinus to have a big effect). Even the Atmospheric Density Jackets add to the feeling that we have gone a step further from home territory. By the end, when the Doctor finds the TARDIS gone and everyone is imperilled, a record-breaking 13.5 million viewers are left with no idea how our heroes are going to get out of this one...

Broadcast:
Date: Saturday, 13th February 1965
Viewers: 13.5 million
Chart Position: 7
Appreciation Index: 56

Rating:
8.5/10.

Next Time:
The Zarbi.

Travellers' Tales I: The Wright Way to Start the Day?, concluded

Ian found her in the TARDIS library some time later, curled up in an armchair with a paperback.

"Here you are! I've been looking for you for hours."

"Oh, you fibber!" she said, looking at him with mock disapproval. "I saw you with the Doctor, not half an hour ago."

Ian paused, uncertain; the expression on his face was priceless. Barbara couldn't help herself, and burst out laughing. "You look just like one of the students caught out lying about why he hasn't handed in his homework!"

Ian relaxed. "'Of course I know you know we don't have a dog, it must of bin someone else's dog what et it.' Did you know I once had a girl in my class who claimed her mother ate her homework? Stuck to her story, too."

"Amazing, isn't it?" Barbara sobered up. "Sit down, Ian. I want to talk to you."

"Well the reason I've been looking for you is that the Doctor-"

"Hang the Doctor! This is important! Sit down!"

Ian did so. "Yes, miss. Sorry miss." Barbara didn't smile.

"How long have we been travelling with the Doctor, Ian? A year?"

"Something like that, yes. I'd have to do some totting up to be sure of the exact day count..."

"Don't bother. The thing is, for all that time we've been acting as if our lives have been on hold, as if we can go back to Coal Hill and pick up where we left off, just as soon as the Doctor figures out how to get us there."

"Well, yes, but-"

"It's not going to happen, Ian! Even if he takes us back to the day after we left there's going to be an awful stink over Susan disappearing, and someone's bound to have seen us on the way to Totter's Lane. If it's any later than that - well, I don't know what will happen. And that's the point.

"Here and now we have a life, in the TARDIS. I've barely scratched the surface of what it's possible to do here, because I've been waiting. Waiting for an old life to return, one that never will. And so have you. It's time we stopped waiting."

They were both silent for a while, processing. Ian spoke up first. "I never planned to be a teacher, you know."

"I'm sorry?"

"I was going to go into research, be a 'proper' scientist. But National Service came along at the wrong moment for me. By the time I got out, teaching just seemed like the easier option."

"You're very good at it. All the pupils love you."

Ian smiled. "Quite an exaggeration, but thanks. Yes, it worked out okay. I was just thinking, though, that it might not be so bad for me, if I had to quit. It might be the spur I need to pursue my original dream. But you - well, what would you do?"

Barbara stood up, paced slowly back and forth for a while. Ian waited patiently. "I don't know. Truly. Things were... complicated before I came to Coal Hill, so it felt like a bit of a fresh start. It's going to be hard, whatever happens. I love teaching, but after all this I feel like - well, like I could do with a trial run, get a temporary job somewhere, get a feel for it again. That's assuming we ever land somewhere not fraught with peril, of course."

"'Fraught with peril,' eh? With a vocabulary like that maybe you should try teaching English as a foreign language."

"Or as an alien language." Barbara sat back down. "We're at it again, though. Planning everything around a return home. I want to break that habit, think of the here and now! It may not have been our choice to travel with the Doctor, but it's a fantastic opportunity. When - if - no, when we get home, I don't want to look back and regret not making more of it." She picked up the book she'd been reading. "Take this, for instance. It's about a boy who finds himself suddenly thrust into a world that is so much bigger than he's used to. He doesn't spend all his time thinking about where he came from - quite the contrary. He revels in the discovery, and allows himself to grow. That's what we should be doing."

Ian came over and perched on the arm of Barbara's chair. "I think - I think in some ways, we have grown. Or changed, at least." He looked down at her. "I'd like to believe you thought so too?"

Barbara smiled, warmly, but said nothing; Ian continued. "You're right, though. I have been clinging a bit too tightly to that hope of return. I'll try to spend more time in the present. You'll probably have to remind me, though."

"Only if you remind me too."

"Deal?"

"Deal."

They paused again, looking at each other, each wondering what to say next. This time it was Barbara who broke the silence. "I suppose we'd better go catch up with the Doctor, then."

"I suppose we better had."

They both rose, and headed for the corridor. Ian idly picked up the book Barbara had been reading. "Rowling, eh? Never heard of him. Is he any good?"

"I'll let you know when I've read a bit more."

And then they were through the doorway, and once again there was silence in the TARDIS library.

Next Time:
The Web Planet.

Travellers' Tales I: The Wright Way to Start the Day?

Barbara woke. The bed was soft and warm so she lay there for a while, eyes closed, putting off the moment when - well, putting off everything, really. It felt self-indulgent, almost sinful - and once that thought had entered her head she was fighting her upbringing to stay put. She stuck it out for another ten minutes but the feeling wasn't the same. It had become rebellion, not relaxation, and that wasn't what she wanted right now. Almost crossly she levered herself up, threw back the sheets, swung her legs round, put her feet on the Persian rug.

"Oh well," she said to the room at large, "I suppose I just wasn't born to be a sybarite." Nor an ascetic, she added silently. Moderation in all things, that's the key. Although I don't seem capable of even a moderate amount of sloth; which is something I am definitely going to have to work on.

Ten more minutes and she was washed and dressed, her hair under control; she had almost finished making the bed. She admired the workmanship as she tucked the corners in: cedar frame with rosewood inlay, mock-Greek images of Dionysian figures, grapes, leaves with curling stems. Trite but attractive. What she loved about it most, though, was the smell - particularly when she had just put on clean linen.

Barbara smiled; it had taken so long to convince the Doctor that she and Ian didn't like sleeping on the narrow, sloping monstrosities he and Susan preferred. Ian had said it brought back nightmares of trying to doze in deckchairs on the Dover-Calais ferry, one memorable field trip before she'd moved to Coal Hill. Once he got the idea, though, the Doctor had taken them deep into the TARDIS and shown them an enormous room, like a warehouse, chock full of beds. Or so he claimed; some of them looked more like torture devices, or the remains of huge waste paper baskets after the bomb hit. Still, there were plenty of more Earthlike examples. She had enjoyed clambering into a large hammock with Ian, an undertaking which left both of them shrieking and giggling like class 4B on a rainy Friday afternoon. And once they'd made their choices the Doctor - or perhaps the TARDIS - had done something, and the beds were waiting for them in their rooms when they got back.

Ian had gone for a huge four-poster. She could picture him lying on it now, hands behind his head, legs crossed at the ankles, looking like the cat who got the cream. Being relaxed suited him - he certainly didn't seem to have any qualms about taking advantage of the opportunities the ship offered.

He'd also chosen a continental quilt, saying that he liked the idea of never having to make a bed again. Something to do with his National Service days, apparently. Barbara felt differently - for her it was a useful ritual, a kind of domestic kata to focus her mind before starting the day.

Which brought her back to the present. What would this day offer, she wondered? Would she and Ian spend it exploring the ship while the Doctor fiddled with his magic formula, trying to figure out how to get them back home? That had happened a few times lately, though always with the same result. Or would they be arriving in some new place, invariably at a time of day that upset her internal body clock? Who could tell? "There's one thing about this life," she muttered, "it's never short of surprises."

Stepping into the corridor she knocked gently on Ian's door. No answer. So, he was either still asleep or out and about. Making her way to the kitchen she dialled a glass of fresh orange juice from the food machine, but decided to postpone the rest of breakfast - just until she'd seen what was going on in the console room.

Ian and the Doctor were there; she heard them before she saw them.

"Pay attention, Chesterton! As I was saying, this, here, is the primary compensation circuit, right here, do you see?"

"I've got that, Doctor. What I didn't get was what it's meant to do? What does it compensate for?"

"What is it for? I should have thought that was obvious, even to someone of your primitive background! I can't be expected to explain everything to someone too ignorant to figure out a simple control, can I?"

"It's not the control that's the problem," muttered Ian. "Look, ignorance is just a lack of information! That's what questions are for: to increase knowledge and understanding. Anyway, there's been precious little explaining going on, and you agreed it would be a good idea for me to learn more about the ship's controls now that it's just the three of us."

Barbara tiptoed away again. Boys and their toys, she thought. It's funny; those two argue just as much as they ever did, but now they enjoy it. Most of the time, anyway.

What did she enjoy? That was a tricky question. There were some obvious answers: actually being present in Earth's history; meeting strange new people; spending time with Ian and getting to know him, so much better than she had when they were both teaching. But beyond that? As a child, it had been an important question; but once she started work her job had become her focus. She liked teaching, certainly, but that neglect of her own feelings had left her ill-prepared for this life, with so much time to herself, cut off from the rest of the universe.

Perhaps that's the answer, she thought. A modicum of introspection and a little self-indulgence to while away the hours, and loosen up some emotional muscles long atrophied from lack of use. Now, where to begin?

Next Time:
The conclusion.

Past Doctor Adventure 66: The Eleventh Tiger, by David A. McIntee

I cheated with this book. I read it slightly out of order and wrote most of the review before seeing the last two episodes of The Romans. I felt I had to in order to keep ahead of the game while we had no working TV; purists will just have to lump it. As a result, though, I hadn't seen how tightly The Romans links with The Web Planet, so I am adding a paragraph to talk about that. Basically, this is an adventure that shouldn't exist. It can't possibly be made to fit, and McIntee doesn't even try. But - like the whole business of stories set between seasons one and two, which are partly contradicted by clothing and comments at the beginning of Planet of Giants - it also doesn't matter. A minor adjustment of dialogue would do the trick, and this is a story well worth having.

This is another tale by the author of Romans Cutaway, and it's an explicit sequel; but interestingly it makes reference to Byzantium! as well. Which is confusing, but also not really a problem. We're back in the land of repetitive Chesterfields again, but otherwise this is (to my mind, at least) vastly superior to either of those stories.

This is really not a tale that could be told in 1965. Set in China in 1865, its main inspiration is the chop-socky kung fu craze of the 1970s - it even quotes Carl Douglas' "Kung Fu Fighting", in a slightly lame joke (which I nevertheless enjoyed) - and it has typically OTT levels of martial arts prowess. The Doctor shows off his abilities in a fight that resembles the one from All Roads Lead to Rome in that he uses skill and cunning rather than brawn to win (and his opponent is totally outclassed), but his moves are more in keeping with the genre in which he now finds himself. There's one movie of particular relevance - Drunken Master - which features some of the same historical characters, and I suspect (despite not having seen it) that some of the action may well be more faithful to the movie than history.

I'm not really very familiar with the genre, despite being around at the time. I enjoyed the David Carradine Kung Fu TV series, but most of my experience comes from comics rather than movies, and in particular Marvel's The Hands of Shang-Chi, Master of Kung Fu - initially in it's UK black and white reprint version. I know I was reading this in primary school, because I wrote a story called "Sir Watermite's Ghost" which I illustrated (completely inappropriately) with tracings from the comic!

What's that? Easily sidetracked? Me? I don't know what you're talking about.

Aaanyway, the genre and setting are well-presented. Of course, this means that there's a high level of violence - but it's cinematic, almost superhero comicbook violence for the most part, and that I can cope with. There are a couple of exceptions: one person is tortured to death quite horribly, only just off-screen; and a main character is very badly beaten. The former is typical Who, just a bit more explicit in the villain's description of what is going to happen. The latter hits closer to home. Still, this was only a small bump in the road of my enjoyment, and the injury is key to the plot.

There are two other links to the 1970s, one of which is a definite spoiler; so if you don't want to know the identity of the alien threat, walk away from this review now. The non-spoiler reference is to the "stone tape" explanation for ghosts, named for a drama written by Nigel Kneale (of Quatermass fame). This seems like a little sideplot, but is eventually tied into the main story very cleverly. The other, implied rather than stated, is that the alien causing all the non-historical trouble is a certain helix first seen in a 1976 serial. The nice thing about this is that if we spot it we are in some ways ahead of the Doctor, but it doesn't matter if we don't. Which is one of my favourite types of continuity.

All the characterisation is good, both of the regulars (with Vicki's faith in the Doctor being highlighted again) and of the supporting cast, oriental and occidental. The one thing I didn't like was the way Ian is put through the wringer and then forced to kill an innocent man to save Barbara. OK, so he doesn't succeed; but this is not through any decision on his part. It's just not him, and I can see it scarring him mentally in a way that isn't shown in his later TV appearances.

Apart from that, though, it's a great story. The twin mysteries of the Major and the Abbot are both engaging, and it's a nice touch that despite all the martial action from the men it's Barbara who saves the world through the power of her compassion and reason.

And then we have her proposal scene with Ian. For some reason this felt just a bit too explicit - I expect (and want) them to get married, but didn't really need it spelled out to this extent. Still, putting aside my objection to the scene's existence, it's well-written too.

I wasn't expecting much after Roman Cutaway, but now I'm looking forward to McIntee's next book.

Published:
Date: May 2004
ISBN: 0-563-48614-7

Rating:
Mine: 7.5/10.
2012 Gallifrey Base Non-Dynamic Rankings: 8.10, 7th out of 73 Past Doctor Adventures, 31st out of 264 overall.

Next Time:
It won't be until Monday but I'm taking a gamble with some more fanfic, writing a vignette that could well be rendered incompatible by scenes I've yet to see in this marathon. Join Barbara in the TARDIS as we learn The Wright Way to Start the Day...

Serial M: The Romans

The impetus behind the idea of a comedy serial came from Verity Lambert - as was so often the case with the innovations during the early days of the show. She had noticed how funny Dennis Spooner could be, and thought there was no reason he couldn't be allowed to run with it. While this was not an experiment that was welcomed by the public at the time, it started a tradition that faded during the classic run, was revived in 2005, and survives to this day (with one of the 2012 episodes having a similar mix of outright comedy and darker themes).

For me, it's the script that really makes this (though it wouldn't have worked without some fine comic acting). The plot is very intricate, put together like the proverbial Swiss watch. And yet there's something inconsequential about the whole thing, a feeling that it should be something more than the romp that it is obviously designed to be. This is grossly unfair - it's just a bit of fun designed to provide 25 minutes entertainment each Saturday night for a month - but for whatever reason I wanted more.

The DVD has some good extras, some of which I've already mentioned. The profile of Spooner is touching, and the Blue Peter section nostalgic; but the best extras for me were the "making of" and commentary, both of which enhanced my reviewing.

I'm not going to say much more because we have a longer than usual Isaac's Corner, since The Romans - unsurprisingly - features one of his current main interests: Romans!

Isaac's Corner
As you might guess from my ranting about the cover of Byzantium!, I have been looking closely at the Roman soldier costumes. I think they were very good costumes for the time considering they had not enough money to have some re-enactors come in to play the soldiers.

Gladiators take lots of time and money to train, so Ian and his friend were lucky to be properly armed - often in fights between criminals there'd be one person with a knife and one without any weapons at all, although sometimes they would give them the armour and weapons of a gladiator but without the training. I found the fight with the soldiers historically inaccurate; think about it! Two untrained (though fit) gladiators vs. ten fit, very well trained and armed veterans in the elite Emperor's praetorian guard in one of the most efficient armies of the ancient world!!!

Anyway, swiftly moving on, I really liked the slave trader subplot, with Iananbarbara being captured by them. I thought Ian's slave companion was well-written but they could have got a better actor for the job. The sets were good but, as pointed out by Blue Peter in the extras, the feasting hall was supposed to have long couches to relax on, and it would have been bigger; but I understand their limitations of money and set size. I wish it was in colour because the sets would look VERY elaborate.

I also thought that the comedy was very good, and added a lot. I thought Nero was acted very well, and my overall rating is 7.5 out of 10. The reason it's not 8 or 8.5 is that I've decided I should leave some more leeway space for really really good ones.

Rating:
Mine: 6.5/10.
DWM Mighty 200: 70.73%, 97th.
2012 Gallifrey Base Non-Dynamic Rankings: 7.96, 55th out of 234.

Next Time:
The Eleventh Tiger.